Sunday, January 17

50 reasons not to marry a Bengali man/woman

These two stories literally had me in splits. Somebody has a total wicked sense of humour. I think my wife will agree to most of them for the man..Few gems:

2. A similar Powerpoint presentation will explain why the leg piece of the chicken is also reserved for the man at the table. There is an additional reason here. Growing Bengali boys, who keep growing into growing Bengali boys, need more “protein”, which is good for the “brain”. The “brain”, when encased within the head of a boy, is a collective Bengali obsession. Nurtured by his parents, Horlicks and chicken legs, it will be a potent weapon when he grows up: it will be the highest point reached by a man with a steady, decent job, besides being the embodiment of sex appeal. A Bengali man draws women towards him with his “brain”. For these reasons the popular Bengali sayings: Maachher muro khao, brain-er pokkhe bhalo (Have fishhead, it’s good for the brain); TV dekho na, brain-er pokkhe kharap (Don’t watch TV, it’s bad for the brain); Beshi khela dhula brain-er pokkhe kharap (Too much sport is bad for the brain); Amartya Sen maachher maatha kheye boro hoyechhen (Amartya Sen grew up on fishheads). Fishheads being another powerful Bengali obsession.

12. If they do put the food away, the fridge looks like a battlefield, with several things dismembered, dismantled and oozing liquids. In any case, they would never clean the refrigerator. Ditto for the cooking gas.

27 .They think growing hair on their upper lip will make them more “manly”.

28 .Men are reluctant to make the bed, open the windows in the morning or make the morning pot of tea. Most of all they are uncooperative about hanging the mosquito net. It shakes the foundation of marriage.

33 .They not only have an opinion about everything but they think they take the right decision in everything, though this could be a universal male trait.

39 .They like to pat their pot bellies in private. Sometimes in public.

46.-50 .The Bengali boy’s mother thinks he’s “flawless”. He secretly agrees.

But the women are not spared. I haven't married a Bengali woman but am infested and inflicted by a whole thundering herd of assorted Bengali females in the form of my mother, sisters, friends and colleagues. And after having read this, I think some of my non Bengali females are actually Bengali as well, hence would suggest that they might be universal traits. Here are some choice ones:

50. She expects you to write poetry about her eyes. Or at least to be able to recite Bonolota Sen (where she is that beauty) and pretend that you mean it.

48. Her English is better than yours. And she will never let you forget it.

44. Like the accomplished women of Pride and Prejudice, they all sing Rabindrasangeet and Nazrulgeeti, dance, paint and recite poetry. God help you if she takes her talent seriously.

43. She will never get along with your mother. It is a matter of principle.

42. They will pet and spoil their husbands like overgrown babies and then they’ll ask you not to be a mamma’s boy. The truth is they’d rather you be a “wifey’s pet”.

40. They remove gift wrappers for hours and then preserve the paper under the mattress. If she had her way, she would keep the sellotape too.

29. She will make you bend in front of her and fix her sari pleats, although you have no clue how to, in a manner that is in equal parts helpless and in equal parts authority. Only she knows how to do that.

28. She says eeshh… but it can get very hissy depending on her mood.

27. She dives for the weekly magazine and hides it somewhere until she has finished reading it. And by then it’s time for the next week’s edition.

14. Her son will always come before you.

12. She will spend her life obsessing about her pet and later her son/daughter. Also her bonsais and cacti. And she expects you to do the same.

2. All you can do is ogle discreetly. She is a firm practitioner of mind over matter. She’s the quintessential tease.

1. And yet, despite it all, she is just too good for you. Sorry men.

Go read the full lists, its funny all right.

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