My dear Kannu
It was so nice to speak to you so many
times yesterday and see you cutting the cake and and and. I am missing you so
much! L I posted this on FB yesterday with the photos
Its Eldest Cost Centre's birthday today. The photo is when we
brought him home the next day. 25 years old now. I was younger than him when I
had him.
Before he was born, I was a young lion, striding the world, not
giving a shit about anything and having fun.
And then, the moment the nurse gave him to me to hold him, I
experienced terror. Sheer unadulterated terror and fear.
For the first time in my life, I knew that I now have somebody
for whom I am responsible for. I knew for the first time that from that moment
on, a large part of my heart and mind will be existing outside my body,
vulnerable and I will not be able to protect him fully.
Has the terror reduced? no. still worry about that little shit.
Despite him having grown up to be a man - still worry about him. It has been
amazing how dusty the room became when he was born, when he left for his first
school trip, when he left for uni and when he got a first from Oxford. That's
it, no more crying and throat choking up. Well, for now. Meh. Becoming soppy in
my old age. And for the first time, wouldn't be there for his birthday. All
credit of course goes to
for raising him. I was vaguely aware of a short person in the
house.
The best way I can describe him is how I describe my father
. He is a good man and he is a kind man.
Happy Birthday son. Love you.
I am so happy to see you become a man that any father will give
his left arm and right eye to have as a son. Thank you son. And imagine that
now I am thinking about your kids and how we can help (if needed, we would love
to help of course!, I miss having kids around me) with baby sitting and other
things. Can you send a photo of your living room now that it’s been setup?
Where do you work when you are at your flat? On the dining table?
Do get a good ergonomic chair, beta, you don’t want to bugger up your back,
best to invest in a good chair with lumbar support. I had a bad bad time when I
worked for ABN 20 years back and had crap chairs. And that screwed up my back
now.
I will leave you with a quote, “The experiences that matter are
often the ones we never wanted to do, not the ones we decide to do” by Alberto
Moravia. I found this quite interesting. And then we pay so much to get
experiences which sometimes don’t matter that much. That said, our holidays
have been good. Cant wait to go for one with you all
Love you
Baba
