Sunday, June 3

Why I would be happy to have my kids with me when they are 30

This article was very puzzling to me. I quote some excerpts.

I tried to understand, I really did, but it was difficult after reading thelatest report on adult children still living at home: almost three million of the UK's 20-34-year-olds: approaching one in three men and one in seven women.

I could barely suppress the urge to grab someone, perhaps not the 20-year-olds, but certainly the thirtysomethings and scream: "What are you playing at? You get one life and you're living it in your parents' house, as a strangely tall child, presumably with secondary sexual characteristics. Whatever it takes, whatever it costs, however much your standard of living falls, you must save yourself and leave. At once!"

Studies such as this always amaze me. Not because I'm nasty or stupid. I know about high rents, low wages, no wages, exploitative landlords, travel costs, dangerous areas, debts, student or otherwise, and the housing ladder. I also understand that, in different cultures, adults live at home before marriage. But come on. For Britons, if you've always been healthy but you're still living with your folks in your late-20s, never mind mid-30s, something has gone wrong. And no amount of defensive yammering about high rents is going to change that.

And so on and so forth. She says…

Bar exceptional circumstances, this level of over-parenting is approaching child abuse. While it is one thing to help adult children through a short-term crisis (catastrophe, debt, relationship breakdown), surely the endgame is their successful autonomy. For most people, independence is the magic ticket to self-reliance, self-esteem and the future. Take it away and what's left? A place in their parents' life? That gilded cage, that domestic prison. It simply isn't enough.

This is child abuse? Hmmm. I am not sure, but I am wondering why is this assumption that just because a child is living with you, the child is dependent upon you? Let me ask this lady a different question, what exactly is that that the person is missing by having to live outside? Yes, they do have an opportunity to live independently but this idea that living independently is exclusively best for everybody and every time is rather silly no? Lets see, down history, combined families are the norm. Economically, it makes sense as living costs are shared, family structures are strengthened, and so on and so forth.

But perhaps most important, if you love your children, there is nothing wrong with you wanting them to live with you. Or me living with my parents, I love them as well. Perhaps what I found the most sad about this lady was the sheer lack of love she expressed. I can but pity her, she doesnt know about family love obviously. Well, so be it, takes all kinds. As for me, i would love to have my kids around me Smile

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