Wednesday, December 14

Everyone wants to be happy. Almost everyone is going about it wrong.k


Here's an interesting article on how people are responding to their desire to be happy. What it boils down to is that you cannot expect to be happy all the time, material possessions cannot give you happiness, problems do not come and go quickly, everything cannot be perfect, stability is happiness and what your parents say / do is equal to happiness. 

That made me think. I am generally a happy bunny as you would have noticed. Not least because of you two wonderful lovely kids. Even though I keep on saying that you are gadha and lirbire, that's teasing, you two are the biggest reasons for my happiness every day. I hug and kiss you simply because you are lovely, warm, nice, wonderful children. You are happy so that makes me happy. I make Mamma unhappy but that's because I dont listen to her, snore at night and act like a gadha as well :). 

But how do I stack up given the below? So i dont think i am happy when "something happens" and no, Im happy generally because of various factors. So that's at variance with the below. Material possessions cannot give me happiness is right, not really that much interested in material possessions - maybe other than books but they do get consumed and read and digested and and and. And no, problems dont come and go quickly - some problems i have handled all through my life, like my knee or Dadu's illness/health or the charity issues. And no, my life isnt stable, despite all the efforts of Mamma, workwise its always moving around and there is a heavy risk of insecurity / my job going, etc. etc. 

But the last point is important, kids. What makes me or Mamma happy is not what will fit you nor should it. You have to come up with your own reasons to be happy kids :). You can, of course, learn from us but never take our limitations for yourself, kids. Be happy :) dream big, fail, deal with problems, but be happy :) 



Vox - All
Everyone wants to be happy. Almost everyone is going about it wrong. 
Jun 2nd 2015, 12:00, by Sherry Amatenstein

As a therapist, the number-one goal I hear from my patients is: "I just want to be happy." I ask, "What would being happy mean to you?" The answers range from "Everything I wish for will happen" to "I will feel good all the time" to "I won't ever feel sad or disappointed."
These patients are deeply misguided: believing that bliss is a permanent, attainable state is both unrealistic and emotionally dangerous. Awful things occur that we cannot control, and that will and should at least temporarily affect how we feel.
My happiness-seeking patients are also, sadly, doomed to fail. It's a time-worn paradox: the more you obsess over whether you are happy or happy enough, the unhappier you are. As I've witnessed from years of counseling patients, contentment emerges as a byproduct of a good life, not from the pursuit of it being your life's purpose.
Here are some of the most common myths my patients believe about happiness — and how I help my patients move past them.
1) They keep saying, "I'll be happy when..."
When Philip (all patients' names are changed) began therapy, his heartfelt belief was it would be impossible to enjoy life until achieving X goal. After achieving X goal, there'd be a brief spike of joy before he sank back into gloom, anxiety, and self-doubt. So he'd set Y goal, hoping the elusive happiness he longed for would follow.
More on mental health

9 things I wish people understood about anxiety
Grief is powerful. Here are 6 lessons survivors learn from tragedy.
The secrets of depression
As we worked together, Philip came to realize his hypercritical father, an acclaimed heart surgeon, had drummed into his head that he wasn't worthy of being accepted and loved unless he did great things. Philip told me, "Growing up, getting a single or double in Little League wasn't enough. According to my dad I had to hit a home run to deserve to feel proud and happy."
Philip was able to call his now-retired father and say that these impossible standards had left him unable to enjoy life. After this conversation, Philip told me, "Dad was mortified. He said he'd always been proud of me but he raised me the way his father raised him."
Nowadays Philip is able to choose goals he wants rather than ones he desperately needs to reach. "Since how I feel about myself isn't dependent on whether or not I publish a novel or get a skydiving certificate, I can enjoy the ups and downs along the way."
2) They believe problems should come and go quickly

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