Tuesday, November 29

Fwd: The Assault of Laughter: 13 Perfectly Sardonic Mark Twain Quotes

Old mark twain was my childhood friend. Having had grown up in a similar small town like described in Tom Sawyer and huckleberry Finn he used to describe me. And believe you me I was very naughty indeed. Seriously. Not that I've stopped being naughty, I'm the bane of all the women in my life. 
But fun times. You've read some of his works son. And see? They praise his mustache :) a mustache has to have a life of its own. I've seen many which are limp affairs son. They lie tiredly across the philtum. Some droop like a flower. Some bristle like a toilet brush. Some are as patchy as a scabied dog. Some look so unhappy that you feel like feeding it a muffin. Some people shouldn't have a mustache. It's like God has reserved them for braver things than to hold the awesome responsibility of a mustache. 
A mustache son is a friend. It accompanies me everywhere. I stroke it when I'm thinking. Rodin couldn't have imagined the power of a mustache to help thinking when he sculpted the thinker. I chew on it when puzzled. I blow through it when I'm miffed. It's a nice way to blow off steam son. I comb it sideways when ive got a rebellious phase. I make it bristle when I need to add weight to my words. It's perfect when I'm trying to gauge the heat coefficient of tea. 
But like all good things son it has its price. Scuba diving is a pain as the face mask doesn't sit well in a watertight seal with the mustache. I've got to slather Vaseline on it. It has a distressing tendency to shed hair at inconvenient moments. The last thing you want while kissing a girl is for her to choke on your mustache hairball. It can make the girl sneeze. But used properly a mustache is great for girls. Without going into details, a mustache adds much value. Like you have lubricating strips above a shaving blade, a mustache helps to sensitise skin before you're kissing :) but not many people know how to wield a mustache properly. 
And then you can twirl it. Ah. That's the Fun part of it son :) twirling a mustache. In a land of facial hairless men, one can stand out proudly. 
Try it out sometime :) and ask your mum and girl friend if they like it. If not, well. Something's aren't in your destiny son. :)
Can't wait to see you tomorrow. Be prepared for a big hug and squish! 

The Assault of Laughter: 13 Perfectly Sardonic Mark Twain Quotes
(via Instapaper)

Twain in 1907/ Photo (c) Underwood & Underwood/Creative Commons
Twain in 1907/ Photo (c) Underwood & Underwood/Creative Commons

Biographile's This Week in History remembers events of the past, and the icons that set them in motion. If you're stirred by the words below, read on for more inspiring author quotes.
Mark Twain, father of American humor writing, was a man of prodigious intellect, perfect wit, and an enviable mustache.
Born Samuel Langhorne Clemens on November 30, 1835 -- this week in history -- Twain spent his early life in a bustling river town that afforded as much opportunity for education and entertainment as exposure to violence and degradation. This town, and all of its peaks and valleys, would become a setting for many of his works, most notably The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
His early life set the stage for an insatiable curiosity, soon fed by his extensive travels across the United States, Europe and the Middle East. Armed with an open mind, an affable aura, a writer's keen observational skills, and the broad perspective his travels afforded him, Twain captured the social and technological changes of America better than any of his peers, all with a wink and a smile.
Though most famous for his political commentary, Twain wrote about nearly every topic under the sun. As a novelist, journalist, and dabbling inventor, no topic was too 'off limits' to dodge the subject of his acerbic pen. In honor of his birthday, we've assembled a few of his driest, most chuckle-worthy opinions.
1. When angry, count four; when very angry, swear .(The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894)
2. Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children. (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1835)
3. Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. (Extracts From Adam's Diary, 1906)
4. There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. (Following the Equator, 1897)
5. "Classic." A book which people praise and don't read. (Following the Equator, 1897)
6. Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well. (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1835)
7. Golf is a good walk spoiled. (Greatly Exaggerated: The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain, ed. Alex Ayres, 1988)
8. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1835)
9. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. (Editorial in the Hartford Courant, Aug. 24, 1897)
10. Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. (Mark Twain's Notebook, 1835)
11. Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God. (Europe and Elsewhere, 1923)
12. A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.  (A Tramp Abroad ,1880)
13. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. (The Mysterious Stranger,  1908)

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