Wednesday, November 14

What do you do with your dead people on your planet?

Thanks for Chris Skinner, this joke is brilliant. But here's a thought for all in financial services. Why do you think this is funny? This is funny because we all have faced this scenario and can well face it. 10 Questions for you:
  1. Customer Services review?
  2. Level of responsibility given to front line staff?
  3. Level of responsibility given to front line staff's supervisor?
  4. Level of automation relating to customer events on credit card systems?
  5. Are large customer events (hatched, matched, dispatched) handled extra-specially? that is a high risk event but also a high return event.
  6. How do you think you as senior management are capturing events like this? For example, I can type up my conversation with Mesh Computers when I had a gigantic snafu with them and then can send it out on the web and my friends. In other words, the probability of senior management receiving this joke email from outside is higher than them receiving information like this from inside. I know you are taping this conversation, but how is this information reaching senior management? Ok, so the senior management does not get to hear it, who does? beyond the supervisor?
  7. And if it does reach you, what do you do? what have you done previously?
  8. Have you personally, as a senior manager, tried out your own company's products in an anonymous manner? I realise this wont be possible in investment and corporate banking but you can still do it in asset management, private banking, SME banking and retail banking.
  9. Your risk and control people must have asked for many of the risks/controls identified in this conversation. How many of those risks/controls have actually gone through a cost benefit analysis based upon customer service, reputational risk, revenue, etc.?
  10. Say this joke email comes out with an explicit name attached to it, say XYZ Bank. And when you are travelling into work in the train, you read this joke in the newspapers and your friends across the train are giggling at you. What do you do when you enter the office? What can you do to address this problem?

A lady died in January, and the bank billed her for their annual service charges on her credit card for February and March. When these were unpaid, the bank added late fees and penalty interest fees on top of the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 and is now over $60.00, and increasing every month, so her nephew calls the bank:

Nephew: “Hello there. My aunt died recently, and I am calling to tell you that she died as you keep mailing charges to her.”

Bank: “Well, the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Nephew: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Bank: “Since it is over two months past due, it already has been.”

Nephew: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Bank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both.”

Nephew: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Bank: “Excuse me?”

Nephew: “Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her being dead?”

Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

Nephew: “Hi. I’m calling about my aunt and am trying to tell you that she died in January.”

Bank: “Well, the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

Nephew: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Bank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Nephew: “No, I’m her nephew.”

Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Nephew: “Sure.”

After they get the fax.

Bank: “Our system just isn’t set up for death, sir. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Nephew: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Bank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.”

Nephew: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Bank: “That might help.”

Nephew: “Rookwood Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Centenary Road, Plot Number 1049.”

Bank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Nephew: “Well, what do you do with dead people on your planet?”

All this to be taken with a grain of piquant salt!!!

1 comment:

HASH said...

really good one ..